Well...

My "blogiversary" just passed and I started feeling blogstalgic, so I decided to blog. Bloggedy-blog. I have a scratch on my arm and it fucking hurts. I just wanted to share that with someone and that someone is you. Yes you. Have a blogtastic day.

This could only happen to me

I went with my family to the Sacramento zoo today. First let me go on record and say I now officially hate zoos. I just thought the zoo here in Atascadero was pathetic and sad, but no, Sacramento's zoo is just bigger and sadder. These poor animals seem so miserable. I am by no means an animal rights activist, but my god, keeping animals caged up so people can look at them is cruel! Anyway, the best thing I saw was this big chimp. I could only see him from behind but he just looked so depressed. He was sitting on top of this rock, not moving at all, with his head hung down. So I walked over to the end of the display and tried to get a look at his face and I swear to god this chimp had his dinger out and was playing with himself!!! I turned and called out to my mom to tell her what he was doing and I guess while I was turned away he finished because when I looked again he was SNIFFING HIS HAND!!!! Then he jumped down off his rock and walked over and stuck his hand in another chimp's face. It was AWESOME!!! I guess he wasn't nearly as sad as he looked from behind. And now I think, hmmm...maybe chimps are kinda funny after all...just not when people dress them in clothes. But I still think zoos are lame!

Venom

I was unaware of just how negative my blog was until someone told me it was full of venom. Well hey, that's just my sense of humor. I think it's fucking hilarious to rip people to shreds. But this post is just for those who think that I am a negative bitch.

I'm not a negative person. I have goals that I honestly plan to achieve. A negative person can't do that. I'm a fairly happy person with an expansive sense of humor. I think even the most childish jokes are hilarious and I laugh with all my heart. I get excited about little things, they make my day, my week and sometimes even my month. I sometimes walk around with a smile on my face just thinking about that small thing. For example a couple of weeks ago I got really excited about finally getting a cd I was anxiously anticipating. Just buying that cd made my week! Now I will admit I have my bad days, too, but for the most part I am pretty content, and no matter how I feel I can always laugh.

Now as for my blog, this is something I use to vent, to write out things I think other people will find funny, and sometimes even share personal information. I never really meant it to be negative, but I suppose the positive stuff just doesn't seem as interesting to me. However in the interest of being a balanced person (which is how I like to think of myself cuz I'm a damn Libra) in the future I will make an effort to post more positive things.

So here's my first POSITIVE post:

Hey everybody! Guess what?!?!?! I got an 'A' on my first test of the semester! I would like to pat myself on the back, if my hand somehow then lowers for a slap on the ass, whatever... YAY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now someone tell non-gay but possibly gay Sergio he can read my blog again dammit!

ACK!!!

Last night I was previewing some used VHS to make sure they worked and in hobbled a man in his mid to late 40's dressed in, I shit you not, a pink bikini top stuffed with socks, leather chaps with a matching hat, a g-string and 6 inch stilettos. He was also wearing makeup. He came in and bought an inflatable butt plug. It was awesome!!!

I'm blogging dammit!

So, pretty much nothing exciting has been going on here, just the same old bullshit day in and day out. I've been super busy with school, particularly with my poetry class. I pretty much suck at interpreting poetry...I'm slowly coming to grips with that fact. The next few months should be fun. I'm looking forward to spending hours coming up with the shallowest interpretation of every poem I have to read and probably winding up with a B in this class. Fuck. That's gonna throw my GPA off. If anyone wants to help me let me know!!! Right now I'm working on a paper comparing a poem to a song and I think I'm in over my head. Oh well...I also have 26 more chapters of "Candide" to read by Tuesday. Yay me.

As for work...it's the same as always only shittier. Stupid people abound. Why is it when you don't think someone is funny they assume that you don't have a sense of humor at all? I get accused of having no sense of humor by moronic assholes all the time. I have a fucking sense of humor shithead, you just aren't funny! GRRR!!! Ok, well, I'm not really in rant mode right now, I'd rather talk about the hilarity of working with Jenny. OH MAH GAH!!!! She has a crush on one of our customers, and I will admit he is very cute. The other night he brought us cake out of the blue. It was really nice of him and I was pretty shocked by it, but it makes me think he likes her, too. Anyway the night he brought cake I was cracking jokes saying, "Hmmm...what should I bring to the fat chicks at the porn store? Oh, I know!!! CAKE!!!" And Jenny was saying, "Well he doesn't rent fat chick porn but maybe he likes to fatten girls up." So we made a deal, because he always asks for help finding a movie, I told her I'd give her five dollars if something along the lines of the following conversation were to take place:

Cute Customer: Help me pick a movie.
Jenny: How about this fat chick porn?
Cute Customer: Ok, sure.
Jenny: Why rent that when you can have this? *points to herself*

The only reason I offered money was because I was pretty sure she wouldn't go through with it. So anyway, he came in tonight and asked for help. We both went to help him look for something and Jenny got a fat chick porn out. He said he would like it as long as the girls weren't too old. This was the PERFECT opportunity for her to not only get some but to get a free 5 bucks and the little shit chickened out! She also looked EXTREMELY embarrassed so I began teasing him about liking young girls, to sort of take the pressure off Jenny. We looked but it seems all the fat porn chicks are too old for his taste (what a perv) but we finally picked something out for him and I rang him up. As he was leaving Jenny said under her breath, "I'll come over and watch it with you." He wasn't quite out the door yet and I burst out laughing. He heard me and came running back in asking what I was laughing about, so I told him what she said. Jenny RAN into the back room and tripped over some boxes, knocking them all over and falling on the floor she was SOOOOOO EMBARRASSED! It was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!! So then Cute Customer guy said, "She can come over anytime, but she better watch out because I haven't had a date in a long time." Then he left, Jenny was still in the back sprawled out on the floor laughing. I haven't had so much fun at work I think EVER! Too bad the stupids have to go and ruin it for me every day!

I declare today official bad grammar day!!!!

Words and phrases overheard and/or read by me in random places today:

"My mom has no truck no more." I heard this one at the grocery store first thing this morning and knew I was starting the day right.
"Oh yeah, I seen the preview for that movie." I was telling someone at work I was going to see The Brothers Grimm, which by the way was really stupid.
"Your never around." Read this one in an e-mail.
"dilapitated" Heard this one on a comedy cd...it's dilapiDated dumbshit.
"expecially" UGH!
"supposably" A particular pet peeve of mine.
"stupider" Debi you knew I had to put this in here. LOL!!!
"more stupidider" Ok I admit I said this one, but only in response to the above.

Learn how to speak America! Sheesh!

Stupid people

Damn but there are some STUPID people in this world. I have a tendency to forget just how dumb some people are and I like it that way. The people I choose to hang around with are all of above average intelligence at least because I can't fucking stand stupid people. I went to get some food after work tonight and while I was waiting for it I overheard the following conversation:

Idiot: I was listening to "Stairway to Heaven."
Lamebrain: Isn't that by the Eagles?
Mongoloid: No it's Eric Clapton.
Idiot: My sister used to play it over and over when I was a kid. I had a Kiss record and my brother threw it off a cliff.
Mongoloid: He must not have liked it. Was it Aerosmith?
Lamebrain: You know a lot of 70's music.

Ummmm...wow! The utter retardedness of this conversation just blows me away. I so wanted to turn around and somehow magically strangle all three of them at the same time while screaming, "It's fucking Led Zeppelin you morons!" But somehow I managed to restrain myself. The really sad thing about this was that all three of the people having that conversation were at least in their 40s. My niece knows more about 70s music than these dipshits and she was born in 1998! WTF?!?!?!